Learning How To Live Together
by idioticonion
Summary: After more roomie squabbles, Robin is at breaking point. Barney steps in, offering her a bed for the night. This project is a drabble chain written by a group of livejournal authors see my LJ for details . AU from Sorry, Bro.
1. Chapter 1

**Learning how to live together**

"Jesus!" Ted exploded, storming out of the bathroom. Barney looked up in surprise, quirking an eyebrow.

"It's Robin!" Ted explained. "Towels all over the floor again! We've talked about that! Jesus! She's such a grinch."

Except he didn't say "grinch".

Barney looked momentarily panicked. "Ted… you're not going to…?"

Ted shook his head. "Don't you worry, the friends-with-benefits thing really is over."

Barney let out a huge sigh of relief which Ted couldn't help but notice. "Dude, you don't want a room mate do you?"

Barney's eyes lit up for a second and then he snorted. "You're kidding, right?"

"Right."

*--*--*

Barney slid smoothly into the booth beside her and she hurriedly wiped her eyes.

"Hey," Robin said.

"What's up?" He asked her, his expression softening from the usual smirk.

"Ted," she mumbled, pulling out a tissue and blowing her nose. "I can't stand it. I'm moving out."

He looked down, noticing the suitcase on the floor beside her. "You got somewhere to go?"

"Hotel," she sighed. "Probably..."

"Don't be stupid. You're coming home with me."

"What?"

He pulled a face. "Just for tonight?"

"You won't try any moves?"

"Please!"

"Promise?"

"Kill-joy."

"Just for tonight." She smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Barney."

The cab ride over was pleasant enough. Barney broke out the celebratory cigar early, and they shared it between the two of them, passing it back and forth and seeing who could make the better smoke ring. Barney tried very hard not to notice the taste of her lips mixed in with the tobacco as he took his first puff.

"There won't be any strange women in your shower when I get there, will there?" she teased.

He just laughed.

Then whipped out his cellphone and dialled his house number, just to be on the safe side.

No answer. Excellent.

When the cab pulled up outside his building, Barney was quick to slide out, holding the door open for Robin; holding all the doors, in fact, the very model of a gentleman. Except that he made comments at every door…to keep up appearances and all that.  
Nothing overly racy, though, just enough to get that smile on Robin's face. The one where her lips tugged up just a little at first, but then it grew quick into a full on grin while a small laugh tumbled out.  
"You're terrible," she said as they reached his door, lightly smacking his shoulder.

Barney held the door open for Robin, and she stepped inside the apartment.  
"So, where am I sleeping? The couch? The floor? The fire escape?"  
"There's always my bed," Barney said, winking at her. Robin smiled and rolled her eyes. How could she still be so pretty and perfect, even when she was shooting him down? "I could always clear out the suit room."  
"No, don't bother. I'm just here for the night, after all. The sofa will be fine." Robin put her suitcase down and took a look around. "You know, this apartment's pretty cool."  
"Glad you think so."

From the doorway he watched her shrug off her blouse, exposing creamy skin to the air. She reached into her suitcase for her silk sleep camisole.  
"I know you're watching," she said calmly, back still turned.  
Where was his awesome comeback? The sight of her, half-naked in his living room, had frozen him. He couldn't speak.  
Decent now, she turned to face him, but at the sight of him she burst out laughing.  
"What? It's comfy!" he defended.  
"Ridiculous, you mean," she shot back, still grinning.  
He slunk back to his room to change. This nightshirt would have to go.

Robin soon regretted her prior decision. The couch- albeit fashionable- was a bitch to sleep on. She sighed in exasperation, and tried to forget about the lovely, awesome bed back at Ted's apartment. Sitting up, she made to shift her position, but froze when she saw something out of the corner of her eye.  
Rigid, she blinked for a moment, rooted to the spot, as she wondered what the pale figure was, what it was doing in here, and where was her gun when she needed it-  
Oh wait. The Storm Trooper.  
Damn it. She should definitely be asleep right about now.

*--*--*

Barney lied in bed, trying not to picture the contours of Robin's bare back. He would be tossing and turning if not for his suitjammas. There was only one thing to do: Porn up! He'd keep the volume off. Maybe he'd even towel the door like a weed-smoking college student to block out the glare.  
He threw off his duvet and tiptoed out towards his porn collection. There was Robin, holding his copy of Buns and Ammo. She would pick that one.  
He tried to leer, but her surprise at seeing him turned it into a genuine smile, "Nice, Scherbatsky."

"Should we pop it in then?" Barney asked. It wasn't like he hadn't watched porn with someone before. In fact, about two weeks ago, Lily had come over to watch "Big Trouble In Little Vagina" and brought her own box of porn along too. Apparently, Marshall had found her vibrator and had freaked out like a little girl.  
"Sure," Robin smiled. She plopped down on the sofa and was instantly bathed in a harsh glow.  
Not only did she get watch hot chicks handling their guns, but she got to do it with Barney. What could be better than that?

Barney was becoming increasingly turned on, and it wasn't the Charlie's Angels antics that were doing it. Robin was leaning over, responding more and more loudly to the whole thing. He would have complained, but was focusing on being blase about the great view he had of Robin's cleavage.  
"Say, want me to get some drinks?" She left the room without waiting for an answer, and Barney settled back down, determinedly looking at what Lacy Lutcunt was doing with her mouth to the security guard and not Robin's backside.  
"Scotch or beer?" she asked.  
"Both!" he cried. He'd need it.

Robin couldn't help but notice how his suit-jamas had appeared to tighten across his groin. Her mind flashed back to that night and she felt a heat that had nothing to do with "Buns and Ammo III". Robin thought maybe another night with Barney was just what she needed. Unfortunately, he seemed to be really engrossed in the 'movie'.  
"Hey-- Barney?"  
"Hmm?" he replied, barely reacting.  
Robin decided to change tactics, motioning to the wall-screen, "I was just thinking about the last time I did that…"

He seemed frozen for a moment and then with a patented Barney-grin, "I'm listening…"

"Well," said Robin, "I dare say there's nothing like the feeling of cold metal against burning hot lips to drive a girl over the edge..."  
Barney tried not to notice the way her lips slid over the neck of the beer bottle, tried not to picture them sliding over –  
"Mmmnnnngh..."  
The sound that escaped his lips was barely covered by the tinkle of ice as he raised his glass to his lips. The alcohol burned down his throat, the ice numbing his lips and mouth.  
"Metal, Scherbatsky?" he scoffed, shifting to face her. "In my experience, ice is usually more...gratifying."

Robin laughed, but she looked away, he cheeks colouring. Okay, so this was weird. He was turned on. She was really turned on. Christ, when she'd lost her job, he'd helped her out. Now she was homeless, he was helping her out again. And all she could think about was how much she wanted him to take that ice cube and…  
So not a good idea!  
But her mouth ran away with her. "Hmm… I don't know! This guy I once dated wanted me to… well, in Canada we call it a Brown Icicle… It was funny. And kind-of painful!"

Barney shifted closer to the arm of the couch, trying to get as far away from her as possible. As far away from her and that delicious mouth that was threatening to drive him insane.  
"Do you watch porn with all your house guests?" Robin stuck him with a gaze that made even the moans and groans from the television set seem obsolete. He leaned back against the arm of the couch, attempting to act natural.  
Ha. Natural. He was ready to burst. He was way past natural.  
"Only the ones I really like."  
Play it cool, man.  
Yeah.  
Sure.

"The ones you like, hmmm?" Robin asked, setting her hand lightly on Barney's knee and leaning just a little closer to him, pressing her lips against his ear to whisper. "So you like me, then?"  
Barney turned his head, pressing his lips against Robin's. She was quick to respond, leaning even closer to him, pressing her body up against his. He pulled his head back slightly, taking a deep breath.  
"I love you," he whispered, then tilted his head to continue the kiss, but Robin had pulled away.

"What?" Robin said. She stood up. "_What?_"  
"Um..." Barney tried to speak, but he couldn't figure out the words. He forced a chuckle. "That was totally a joke."  
"What?" Robin wished that she could think of something else to say, but goddamn it. She felt like a robot in one of those campy old movies, because this definitely did NOT compute.  
"Yeah," he continued. "Me? Love? Please."  
Robin ran her fingers through her hair, trying to get a hold of herself.  
Barney gave up the façade and stood up. "Robin..."  
"No! Don't..." She sighed. "What the hell, Barney?"

"Maybe this was a bad idea," she said, getting up. "I should just go, put up with Ted for another night..."  
"No! Nononono..." What were these Feelings doing to him, trying to keep a girl _in_ his apartment? "You've totally got the wrong idea... just because I say I 'love' something doesn't mean I actually have... _feelings_ for it. I'm always overusing that word."  
"Oh really?" She looked sceptical.  
"Yeah... like sometimes I'll say I love..."  
"Tacos?" she asked, raising her eyebrows but relaxing the tiniest bit.  
"Yeah," he agreed, though he gets a funny knot in his stomach. "Tacos."

"Maybe we should just get some sleep," Robin said, turning off the DVD and silencing the heavy panting.  
"Okay," he replied, but his dead eyes didn't match his steady tone.  
Barney loved her like he loved tacos. That was okay. Tacos were damn good, but it wasn't like he'd give them cutesy pet names. Wouldn't make them share dessert or smash them into a tiny, restrictive mould marked "happily ever after."  
Robin almost wished Barney did _love_ her like he loved tacos. Tacos were so lucky! But the thought was too stupid. She buried her head in her pillow.

Barney stood awkwardly in his living room.  
"So, yeah... I'll see you in the morning then."  
"Good night." Robin said, she was already under her covers again.  
"Night", he lingered for a moment before walking to his bedroom, desperate to escape the sight of Robin. Not that he didn't want to look at her, it was just too painful. Damn feelings, they ruin everything. He shut his door.  
It took him a little over 8 seconds to open it again.  
"You know the couch really isn't that comfortable. You'll barely sleep, wake up with a sore back, tossing and turning..."

Robin tilted her head and pursed her cherry lips, clearly unimpressed with Barney's safety pick-up line. "If you honestly expect me to get into bed with you tonight, Stinson, you're going to have to think of something better than the 'sore back' line."  
Barney's lips twitched and he forced the metal walls to close around his heart, keeping her rejection at bay. If a bimbo had been standing in Robin's place, he wouldn't be putting up with this shit at all. A bimbo would hop into his bed, pleasing the Barnacle in all the ways her mama never taught her.

"You say 'get into bed with you' like it's a bad thing. I didn't hear you complaining about it last time."  
"Barney," Robin started warningly. She was so not in the mood for Barney's insanity at the moment.  
"Look, Scherbatsky, it's a big bed. Believe it or not I am capable of just sleeping. It was just an offer, you know, chivalry and all. Sleep on the couch for all I care, whatever. If you change your mind the door is open." With that he turned back into his bedroom and let out the deep breath that he wasn't aware he was holding.

Robin watched Barney retreat back into his bedroom as she mulled over his offer. Until 10 minutes ago when he'd said it ("mm-hmm-hm"), she would have been in his bed already. And they would not be just sleeping.  
But he had. And now Robin was uncomfortable on his super-fashionable-but-crap-to-sleep-on couch.  
Robin tossed back the blanket, tiptoed to Barney's room and peeked in. "Barney?" she whispered.  
"Hey," replied Barney with a smile, "I was hoping you would come to your senses…"  
Robin slid into his bed, hyper-aware of his proximity to her. Yep, it was going to be a long night…

Barney was wrong when he said it was a big bed. There were two inches between them, max. Robin rolled over to face the wall. This was _so_ weird. W-I-E...zzzz.  
When Robin woke up, the room was still pitch black. The heater must have kicked on in the middle of the night, because the cozy body pillow that she had her arms wrapped around was toasty warm. She nuzzled her face deeper into it. She felt more relaxed than she had been in quite awhile.  
Just as she was about to drift back to sleep, the body pillow sighed.

Barney hadn't been able to sleep - nothing could quell the yearning inside him to just wrap his arms around Robin and softly kiss the brown locks tumbling over her neck.  
And then she'd rolled over in her sleep, resting her head against his chest, sliding her arms firmly around him.  
When she nuzzled into him, it tickled like hell, but he bit his lip and lay still, sending silent thanks to the Big Guy for the soft warmth pressed against him and the long, slender leg that wrapped around his.  
He sighed, wishing every night could end this way...

Robin shifted, pulling the pillow closer to her. In her groggy state of mind, she thought she heard the pillow sigh, but recalled Ted telling her she often made play-by-play hockey commentary in her sleep, so she thought nothing of it. Probably more weird dreams…

Barney sucked in a breath when he felt her stirring, not wanting her to wake up and make this moment end. She was a sound sleeper, thankfully, and a few minutes later her breathing evened out and he was left staring down at her beautiful face.  
_Damnit_, why did he still have these feelings?


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two**

When Robin awoke the next morning, at first she had the weirdest feeling, like she was in bed with Ted, that Ted was still her boyfriend… that her boyfriend was… cuddling her.

_Someone_ was definitely cuddling her.

Brain fogged with sleep, she tried to work out what the hell she'd been drinking the night before that she'd fallen asleep with some random, cuddle-obsessive dude.

Not cool.

Now there was going to be awkwardness and hurriedly looking around for missing underwear and-

Hold on. She breathed in deep.

Only one person she knew smelled like that.

She opened one eye.

Crap.

Barney lay inches from her, fingers wrapped around hers as he slept. She lay there a long moment and just watched him. Should this be creepy? She just spent the night with Barney, and there was absolutely no sex involved.  
Before she could stop herself, a little smile pressed against the corners of her lips. Then he cracked one eyelid open, and was subject to his slow, lazy grin and her smile faded.  
Any moment now, he would make a sly sexual remark, and she would awkwardly run from the room. Except he didn't.  
"How did you sleep?" he asked.

Robin blinked and stared at him, unable to keep the confusion she felt from crossing over her face. It was too early for Barney to be surprising her, she was too groggy to figure out if he was building up to a joke or just being...not Barney.  
"What time is it?" she mumbled, rubbing a hand over her face and leaning up on her elbow, looking around at the rather depressing gray of his bedroom. She'd been too tired the night before to really take it in, but she was struck with how...empty it was.  
She looked back over at Barney when he hadn't answered, and found that he was just watching her, an expression on his face that she had never seen before.  
"Are you all right?" she asked, not really sure what else to say.

He did this strange half-shrug thing. "Fine." He sat up.  
"So, um. Don't you have work today?" She still hadn't quite gotten over the weirdness of the situation, but maybe, if he left the apartment, she could go home, apologize to Ted, and forget this had ever happened.  
Not that that had worked last time, but whatever. This was way weirder.  
"It's Saturday, Scherbatsky," Barney said, sounding (almost) like his old self.  
Damn it.  
She remembered hearing that losing track of the days of the week was a sign of insanity.  
That would almost be better.  
Love?  
He'd really said that?

They'd been cuddling. Actually _cuddling_.  
Now that the moment was over and he was no longer distracted by the smell of her hair and the warmth of her body pressed against his, he just felt weird. Weird that he went against his own arbitrary code of living.  
And she was looking at him, completely freaked, almost frightened of him. That was somehow worse than breaking the Code.  
But he'd done the impossible. He'd slept in the same bed as a woman and not made a move on her (though, God, he'd wanted to).  
Maybe there was hope for him yet.

"Want some coffee?" Robin looked back up; Barney was looking at her... weirdly.  
"Huh?"  
"Some coffee", he tried again, he seemed nervous, swallowing before continuing. "You know, it's morning, some people like to eat and drink – non alcoholic beverages." He managed to grin for a moment before Robin's questioning stare wore him down.  
"Do you even have any food?" Robin asked with a raised eyebrow, her head was still resting on his chest. He thought about it, mouth open.  
He didn't.  
"We could go out?"  
"We could..." The real question was: why did he want to?  
"Come on, I insist."

Robin had been in a lot of... Weird scenarios with Barney before. She never thought 'Breakfast' would ever be one of them.  
The clinking of forks, the blatant aversion of eye contact, _it was driving her insane_. She just wanted to stand up and yell, "What the hell, Barney?!"  
No longer sleep-deprived, she was thinking clearly. And she still didn't understand it. "So..." She began.  
"So I found another place for laser tag!" He sort of yelped, "But it's _team battles_. Don't they know teams are only fun when you make them yourself in the middle of a free for all?"

Barney dipped his toast into his egg yolk and continued to blather. "I mean I love laser tag, but this whole team thing is crap. Don't you think?"  
There was that word again. Love. He was trying to throw it around casually, but she could see by the way he gripped his fork how much effort it took. Since when had she been able to read Barney by his use of silverware? No one should be able to do that. Her stomach warbled.  
She set down her coffee with a determined thud. "Barney," she tried again, "what is going on?"

Barney gulped, swallowing down the figurative twenty-seven car pile-up that had gotten caught in his throat. He needed to push past this. He needed to be his old self. His bro self. Needed to go back to the guy who didn't use the word 'love' every sentence. That's the guy Robin wanted him to be.  
"I told you what's going on. The sport of laser tag is ruined. I say we go TP the place."  
Robin chuckled, wondering if maybe she should just let this go. It was pretty clear that pressing him on the subject wasn't getting them anywhere.

"You want to TP this place, too? Is that going to be your solution every time a new laser tag establishment does something you don't like?" Robin asked, deciding to humor Barney.  
"No, Scherbatsky... only when it's justified," Barney replied, easily falling into step with her. He was somewhat surprised how effortlessly he was able to keep up his charade. "And I'd say this time it's well deserved."  
Robin rolled her eyes at him. "With all the money you have I'm surprised you've not gone out and just bought your own laser tag place by now." She'd said it as a joke, but judging from the mischievous glint in Barney's eye, he'd taken it as anything but.

"You're right, Scherbatsky! I should buy a laser-tag place!"  
"Barney, do you really think you can buy, manage and use your own laser-tag-- what do you call it anyway: place, joint, arena…?"  
"Well, I managed to buy, manage and pay someone else to use South Korean military information last week… But I don't really wanna talk about work."  
Robin shook off the latest weird allusion to Barney's job. She was just pleased that Barney finally seemed to be acting like himself again, though she felt like it was taking him more of an effort than normal to seem, well… normal.

While Barney blabbered on about his novel operational model for mega-multi-player laser tag arenas, Robin noticed that at least eight women of considerable attractiveness (and boobage) had walked past their table.  
Barney hadn't so much as glanced at a single one.  
His eyes moved only between her face and his gesticulating hands.  
He had the most graceful hands… long, slender fingers. Her eyes caught the rippling of muscles in his forearms, his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows. The bass tones of his voice vibrated pleasantly in her ribcage and she suddenly realized she felt something more there.

"Sherbatsky!" He snapped his fingers at her and she jumped, blinked and looked up at him.  
"What?"  
"Have you been listening to a word I've been saying!?" He sounded frustrated, like he'd just told her his life's goals and dreams and she couldn't care less.  
"Yes. Sorry! Just kinda zoned out there a sec. Continue..." she smiled apologetically, mentally scolding herself.  
But what was it that she had felt a moment ago? She raised her eyes and for three painfully long seconds, he held her gaze. He was mid-sentence and suddenly he just stopped talking and stared back at her.

Three seconds was a long time. Certainly long enough for Strange Thoughts and a Minor Freak Out.

…oh my god, his eyes are so blue…

…do I have something on my chin?...

…why is he staring why is he staring…

…did I leave my cream pants in the dryer at Ted's?...

…he said he loves me…

…he loves me? What the hell?...

…he's doing that thing with his lips…

Then he grinned and broke the spell, causing Robin to flinch and knock the salt cellar with her hand. It skittered across the table, spilling its contents all over his food.

Had it been any other woman, it would have been a deal breaker. Ruined his eggs? Absolutely unacceptable. But when Robin looked up at him with horror and guilt in her eyes, he could only chuckle.  
"No, honestly, it's fine." He attempted to scrape off the excess salt from his food, but it was stuck fast. And yet he didn't care. "Who needs eggs? We should go for a walk."  
It was a spontaneous idea, spilling from his lips before he could stop it, but the idea of a morning walk with her sounded perfect. And maybe… courage would come.

Robin nodded. Objectively, she thought, she should probably go away and try and clear her head. If she could get this embarrassingly flustered by _Barney Stinson_, obviously there was something wrong and she needed to seek help immediately.  
So he paid (he'd insisted), and they walked together, but not with the intimacy that implied. Barney didn't try and hold her hand, or anything like that - he walked with his hands in his pockets, his eyes on the sidewalk. Their only contact was when their arms bumped together accidentally.  
"So, Scherbatsky," he said. "Given any more thought to your housing situation?"

"The what? Oh that, right..." She looked down to the sidewalk, watching her feet move. "I don't know."

"Well-"

"Oh don't worry, I won't bother your fortress of Barnitude for long."

"Please. You can stay as long as you need to." He kept his eye on the sidewalk as well; if he looked up he might do something stupid.

"Well it's kind of awkward, don't you think? I can't stay forever. I mean, what will the bimboes think", she said sarcastically; they both smiled. "Remember when you had Lily as a roommate?"

Barney's head shot up at the very thought.

"Heh. Yeah, Lily." He replied awkwardly, returning his gaze to the ever-fascinating ground. "But, you know, you and Lily are... Different. Lily's like a sister to me, and-"  
Robin's head shot up, "And?"  
"And... you are... Canadian. Heh." Maybe laughing awkwardly all the time _wasn't_ a convincing strategy. Damn.  
"Huh, so Lily's like a sister I'm a Canadian to you?" Robin replied, a skeptical brow arched.  
"Obviously. There are two kinds of people in the world, Scherbatsky: Canadians and actual humans."  
"Well, then... _Alex Trebek is a better host than Bob Barker_." Robin replied icily, no longer having the patience for his anti-Canadian attitude.

He took a deep breath, willfully ignoring her jab at Bob Barker. "Seriously, though. If you do want to stay, I think I can get you an awesome card."  
"A what?" Why did she even ask?  
"As you know, most women can only enter the Fortress of Barnitude on a short-term sex visa, but in very rare cases, a truly awesome woman might qualify for an open-ended awesome card. And since you're the second most awesome person I know …"  
"I qualify."  
"All you need is $250 and eight passport photos, clothing optional."  
"Barney!" she scolded, laughter in her eyes.

Barney grinned, blue eyes twinkling with mischief. "You know you like it, Scherbatsky. If I wasn't a perv, you'd have moved on long ago."  
Robin arched an eyebrow. "You think that's why I stay, Barney? Because you wax poetic about how awesome my boobs look today?"  
In an instant, Barney's eyes drifted to her cleavage, drinking in the small dimples that marked her flesh. "There once were some boobs from New York. Who could make any man pop a cork. They were true things of beauty, paired up with a nice booty. And you can spoon her after you fork."

She couldn't contain the low chuckle that welled up within her, nor the pride she derived from Barney's dirty limerick about her.  
About her, nobody else.  
Because he loved her.  
He loved her?  
Maybe that wasn't so bad…if it meant more laughter, more lightness in her life.  
But what if one day he realized he didn't?  
What if she's completely wrong…that the limerick's not really about her, it's about any bimbo he's ever nailed?  
What if, one day, she'd lose any hope of happiness with him?  
He watched as her grin faded. The wind whipped up her hair and she shivered, ever so slightly.

Barney frowned. "Robin, are-"  
"Just... listen, Barney. My point is, I stick around because - yes, partly because you make me laugh about things like my boobs. But it's also because I think you understand me better than any of our friends do - you've challenged me to make more of myself than I ever thought possible... You do more for your friends than anyone gives you credit for. There are so many other reasons that I want you in my life. It just… when you think about it, it makes a lot of sense..." Robin trailed off, remembering. She smiled slightly.


End file.
